FIVE PARENTING DO’S AND DON’TS FOR ADOPTED CHILDREN: Devotional by Lorilyn Roberts

 Now that my oldest daughter is almost 21 and my youngest is thirteen, here are some words of advice:  

Do’s  

1.  Be proactive when it comes to the health, safety and welfare of your adopted child. You know your child’s background and history better than doctors, social workers, teachers, friends, or other adoptive families. Speak up when you think something needs to be addressed. Don’t assume others know better or more than you.

 

For starters, de-worm your adopted child upon arrival from a developing country.

 

2.  Be open with your adopted child about his past. Tell him everything you know. Tuck away special items to remind him of his heritage later—pictures, letters, emails, mementos, a favorite toy, or article of clothing. Let your child decide what he wants to do with these things when he is older and respect his wishes.

 

3.  Be open about adoption with others who are interested. This does not mean you need to divulge the intimate details of your child’s adoption, but it is your opportunity to share the marvelous way God has given us to make families, giving hope to the 150 million-plus orphans in the world. When onlookers see the love shared in your family, they will be less inclined to believe the horror stories that have been perpetuated by Hollywood and negative, prejudicial people.

 

4.  Help your adoptive child to be emotionally, physically, and mentally strong. Young children most likely will catch up on motor and language skills, but be willing to provide speech or physical therapy if needed. Older kids may take more time, but as parents, our job is to do everything we can to help our children reach their potential. Given the right environment, children generally will flourish, and you will be a glowing mother as you see your new son or daughter blossom.

 

This includes finding their “gift.”  Since adopted children come with a different biological code, parents need to make an extra effort to discover their talents.

 5.  Respect your adoptive child’s family, country, culture, and memories. Even if you do not like your child’s birth family or heritage, you would not be an adoptive parent if it wasn’t for a birthmother’s gift of life. Be sensitive and respectful. Let grace begin with you, remembering that your adopted daughter is a gift from God. Love her as much as you can, and then love her some more. Don’t just tell your daughter you love her, show it. And when you screw up, admit it and say, “I am sorry.” 

Don’ts 

1.  Don’t let others discourage you from adopting. If God has put it on your heart or you have thoughtfully made a decision to build your family through adoption, do your research and pursue your dream with passion. Those who are persistent and don’t give up are the ones who eventually hold their “bundle of joy.”

 

2.  Don’t make excuses for the poor behavior of your adopted child. Address what rears its head and work through it. Seek wise counsel, particularly experts skilled in adoption issues. You don’t want your son or daughter to grow up with a “victim” mentality. Love covers many shortcomings, and what was lacking, in the beginning, can be used for good later—in the form of compassion for others. While an older adopted child will have more scars and come with a history, to overcome his past, he will need to embrace it. Only through acceptance can a child overcome the pain and move on. As a parent, you can help your son or daughter to begin that process of healing.

If your child uses adoption as an excuse for poor grades, low self-esteem, behavior maladjustment, distrust, or a host of other issues that are sometimes found in adopted children, contact a professional. Without intervention, adopted children from deprived circumstances may carry their scars into adulthood, subconsciously gravitating toward familiar dysfunctional behaviors learned from the past. You can stop this destructive cycle by recognizing the need and seeking professional help.

 

3.  Don’t force your adopted child’s heritage on her. Let her choose how she wants to live her life. If your daughter was adopted internationally when she was young, she won’t have memories of her birth country. Her norms will be the traditions and culture in which she has been raised. Even if your daughter has dark skin or slanted eyes, she is now an American, Canadian or Scandinavian. Don’t be discouraged if your adopted daughter has no interest in her roots. Remember, kids want to fit in—with friends and lifestyles. They don’t want to be different. Let them be themselves.

 

4.  Don’t be afraid to parent.  People can be quick to blame the misbehavior of adopted kids on being adopted. More than likely, after a period of time, your adopted son will be going through the normal developmental stages of growing up just like all his non-adopted friends. Your adopted son will need the same boundaries and security that all kids need. Be consistent and let him know your expectations and values. Take time. Don’t be too busy.

 5.  Don’t forget to enjoy the journey of parenting.  Take lots of pictures. The time goes by too quickly; one day you will turn around and the little baby you brought home in your arms will now be a beautiful young lady (or handsome young man). Cherish the memories. There will never be enough. 


 Lorilyn is an adoptive mother (as well as an adult adoptee) of two daughters from Nepal and Vietnam. She wrote their adoption stories in Children of Dreams. Visit her website at LorilynRoberts.com to learn more about her books and blog postings. 

LORILYN ROBERTS BOOK REVIEW: ”A Tale of Two Cities“ by Charles Dickens

A Tale of Two Cities has a complicated plot with twists and turns that eventually unravel the tightly-woven story. The story begins in France, several years before the French Revolution, switches to England, and then returns to France.  

Foreshadowing creates suspense, and as the story progresses, war ensues. Death is always a constant threat or recurring theme. In typical Dickens’ style, every character and scene is fully developed with symbolism playing an important role; i.e., the broken wine cask at the beginning and the reference to blood. The imagery reminds one of the Christian sacrament and the impending war in France.

Of particular interest are the characters; the protagonist, Lucie Manette, discovers her father has been found alive imprisoned in the French Bastille for the last eighteen years. Lucie is the embodiment of love, and her unconditional love restores her father’s sanity.

As the French Revolution draws near, the reader senses the progression of hopeless bloodshed through the continued foreshadowing of events. There is an overarching uneasiness that something evil is going to happen to the main characters. The darkness of one of the main antagonists, Madame DeFarge, and her constant knitting of the names of those condemned to death stands in stark contrast to the loving protagonist, Lucie Manette.

Soon Darnay and Lucie marry, and a few years later, the French Revolution begins.

Dickens shows the intense suffering and affliction of the masses and the arrogant aristocracy, which is portrayed by the heartless Marquis Evrémonde when he runs over a poor plebian child. The impending conflict in France creeps ever so closer to the Manette family in England when Darnay travels to France and is arrested. 

Darnay returns to Paris to free one of his former servants from prison but is imprisoned on false charges. After a year, he is released following a trial, only to be immediately seized again by the evil Madame DeFarge. 

The father, who has been “recalled to life,” teeter-totters on psychosis, reverting to his old shoemaking occupation while in prison when Darnay for the second time is sent to the guillotine.

The tight plot, where nothing is wasted, builds to a stunning conclusion with the eventual escape of Lucie, Darnay, and their young daughter from Paris back to London, thanks to Miss Pross’ killing of Madame DeFarge.

One of the most poignant characters is Sydney Carton. In the beginning, he is an unhappy attorney that has taken to drinking and feels his life has been wasted; yet, he still longs for a meaningful relationship and finds it in the ever-so-compassionate Lucie Manette. Through her kindness, he becomes more than he could have hoped for or imagined. Her love reaches deep, and, in the end, propels him to make the ultimate sacrifice for Lucie and her family, where his purpose in living embodies ultimate redemption.

A Tale of Two Cities reminds me of those books and movies that need to be enjoyed twice; the first time for the overview of the complex plot, and the second time to appreciate the various symbolisms and motifs that make for a magnificent story.

Available on Amazon here.

LORILYN ROBERTS BOOK REVIEW: “Sell More Books: Book Marketing and Publishing for Low Profile and Debut Authors,” by J. Steve Miller

Sell More Books!: Book Marketing and Publishing for Low Profile and Debut Authors, Rethinking Book Publicity after the Digital Revolutions by J. Steve Miller, Blythe Daniel, Stephanie Richards, and John Kremer

Book Review by Lorilyn Roberts

When I read the title, Sell More Books! I couldn’t imagine anything that would help ME to sell more books.  After all, I had done nearly everything that had been suggested by marketing gurus and experts. What else was there that I hadn’t already tried?


Originally, my marketing plan consisted of a little bit of this and a little bit of that, hoping something might work. I was so afraid that if I didn’t try everything, the one thing I didn’t do would be the difference-maker. Why I took this approach, I don’t know, except to acknowledge that marketing is far more overwhelming and complicated than writing a book. 

Oftentimes we are bombarded with a zillion suggestions from well-meaning marketing folks, and being the newbie that I was, I tried most of them. What I found, however, is that many of those highly touted things didn’t work (and don’t work for most new or low-profile authors). Do you really need a publicist, for instance? What about all those press releases that cost a lot of money? And drawing up a marketing plan? What would that consist of, anyway? Sell More Books! will help.

Once I began reading Sell More Books! I realized what I needed were not new methods or ideas but a strategy to help me evaluate what I had already done. And Sell More Books! did not disappoint. I never thought about incorporating what had worked into a marketing plan that would fit my needs and budget in the future. I think it’s just human nature, like a cow, to think the grass on the other side of the fence is greener. Whatever we haven’t done is what we think we need to do because somebody somewhere says so—and we think they know more than we do.

Sell More Books! made me realize I was not alone, but by following some common sense and inexpensive suggestions, I could resurrect my lagging sales and achieve better results. Simply put, I needed to look at those things that had worked and continue to pursue them. And lastly, but also very important, I was challenged not to sit on those ideas but to put them to good use. When you become discouraged, oftentimes the hardest part is just getting started again. And because Sell More Books! helped me to see the mistakes I had made, and I felt I could trust Steve Miller on other aspects of marketing I wasn’t as sure about.

Not everybody sells tons of books from TV and radio appearances—really? I thought I was the only one. What worked for me, I found myself asking? What about all of those wonderful book reviews I have posted on Amazon and other websites? Why not get some more? After all, you can’t have too many.

These are just two ways to market out of dozens outlined in Sell More Books. The suggestions run the gamut for every type of book in print and every type of person. Yes, we are all different. Go with what works for you and throw out the rest. Don’t feel like your book is a failure if something worked for someone else but doesn’t work for you.

In addition, Steve Miller shares many stories from authors he has talked to first-hand regarding marketing—and has concluded, as I did, that many things are a waste of money. I wish I had read Sell More Books two years ago. I could have made better choices in marketing Children of Dreams, saving myself a lot of time, money, and discouragement.

Sell More Books is the best marketing book I have read. Buy yours today and don’t repeat the mistakes others have made. You will be encouraged to keep on keeping on in the difficult world of marketing.

To purchase from Amazon, click here

GUEST POST BY TOM BLUBAUCH: An Interview with Lorilyn Roberts: “The World of Closed Captioning, Charles Dickens, and Writing Books”

 A Guest Interview with Lorilyn Roberts

The World of Closed Captioning, Charles Dickens, and Writing Books

As appeared on the blog of Tom Blubauch earlier this year

Question: What is the connection between you and Charles Dickens?

Lorilyn: First, thank you for allowing me to share a little bit about myself.

I like to imagine I have an edge on becoming the next Charles Dickens. Many people do not know that Dickens began his literary career as a court reporter. Of course, I probably won’t, but far-fetched dreams take us to places we would never go. I fancy someday writing that great court case or mystery. If I do, I will make the court reporter a significant character.

Question: I understand you no longer do court reporting but captioning. How did you make that transition?

Lorilyn: After twenty years of court reporting, I had an opportunity to become a subcontractor for the National Captioning Institute. I was probably the least likely person to switch to broadcast captioning because I was illiterate when it came to knowing what was going on in the world. I spent my days reading depositions and transcripts. But I passed an unusual exam and NCI provided the rigorous training. After five and a half months, I captioned my first live broadcast for a television station in New York City.

Question: What kind of test was it?

Lorilyn: I wrote a speech by President Bill Clinton without practicing it and sent NCI my raw notes. They wanted to see how clean my stenograph writing was, how many conflicts I had in my writing, that kind of thing.

Question: What type of training is required for becoming a broadcast captioner?

Lorilyn: Most steno broadcast captioners in the past began their careers as court reporters. When I went to court reporting school many years ago, I went to school two nights a week and worked full time in my parents’ map company. It took me twenty months to graduate. I was the first night student to pass the certification exam.

Many court reporting schools today allow students to choose their career path (court reporting or captioning) before graduating, thus enabling less on-the-job training later. There are distinct differences in the training. While both use the stenograph machine, the end result is different. Court reporting must be verbatim while captioning can be summarized when needed. Court reporting does not require the extensive dictionary that captioning does, meaning it takes longer to build a dictionary for captioning work.

Captioning, while not completely verbatim, needs to be cleanly written at extremely high rates of speed. Just listen to the news or sports and imagine writing it all down. It can be very challenging. The length of time it takes to complete the training varies for both court reporting and live broadcast captioning. It depends on how long it takes the student to reach 225 words per minute.

Broadcast captioners also must have a broad knowledge base to caption many topics, including news, sports, politics, geography, Hollywood, religion, and historical events. If a word isn’t in a captioner’s individually-built dictionary, he has to be able to fingerspell it on the fly. I know many names in the news by my brief. For example, Ahmadinejad, the current president of Iran, I write apblg/apblg.

Captioners have hundreds of briefs like this floating around in their head. It can be challenging sometimes to remember them all, especially if an old story crops up that hasn’t been around for a while.

Following completion of the court reporter/captioning training program, the student should take an entry-level test administered by the National Court Reporters Association, called the Registered Professional Reporter Exam, which has two sections: The first part is a knowledge test involving topics relevant to court reporting, and the second part is a written test, requiring a stenographer to write 225 words per minute for five minutes at 97 percent accuracy.

While this certification is sufficient for an entry-level court reporter, it is not for broadcast captioning. Captioning speeds often exceed 260 words per minute, and before captions begin to look really nice on a television screen, the captioner needs to be achieving a 99 percent accuracy rate. It can take many years to get to this high level.

The shorter answer to your question, what type of training is required, if a student works reasonably hard in school, he can expect to finish court reporting school in about two years, with another intense year of on-the-job training, though, of course, he will be earning a paycheck during his “apprenticeship.”

Question: Speaking of money, how much can a court reporter or captioner make?

Lorilyn: I have been out of court reporting for a long time, so I am not familiar with the rates today. Broadcast captioning rates have plummeted over the last few years because of competition from voice writers and computer translators. The newer, alternative methods are not as accurate, but sometimes the bottom line is not quality but cost. Still, if a captioner works hard, including nights, holidays, and weekends, and is willing (and qualified) to caption a wide variety of shows, he can make a comfortable income, upwards to six figures.

Examples of programming I have captioned include Fox News, CNN, ESPN, Versus, MSNBC, C-Span, Spike, The Weather Channel, A&E, HSN, QVC, MTV, Golf, Tennis, HIST, SUN, TLC, Bloomberg, Speed, CBS, NBC, and Animal Planet. It makes for interesting work. This week I am captioning the Tour de France, which has been intense but exciting.

Question: Sometimes the captions can be amusing. Is there anything you have written that you hoped no one would see?

Answer: I have had my share of boo-boos; four I will never forget. Years ago I was captioning a local channel out of Little Rock, Arkansas, and they were featuring a story about Point of Grace. The reporter talked about what great singers they were, and I captioned what great “sinners” they were. It was more comical because they were a Christian group.

Another time I was captioning a major news network (which shall remain a secret). I was supposed to start at 9:00 a.m. I had my stenograph machine all set up and ready to go and got up to get my cup of coffee. When I returned, I found one of my daughters, who was too young to know any better, writing a way on my machine imitating me. Her “captions” went out all over the world. I panicked. Fortunately no one important saw it and today I can laugh about it.

A third terrible boo-boo happened when I was captioning the weather on a major network. My word “current” came out as a no-no four-letter word. I spent the next two hours writing at least a hundred versions of the word “current” and entering it into my dictionary. Fortunately no one saw that either. The station could have been fined for that one (and I probably would have been fired).

The fourth memorable event was actually quite comical considering what our country experienced during the 2000 presidential campaign between former President Bush and Al Gore. If you remember, a major lawsuit was filed and the final ruling was made by the U.S. Supreme Court to leave it up to the states on how they conducted their campaigns. My translation came out that the United States Supreme Court ruled they should “Leave it to Beaver.”  I wrote the word “leave” twice, my brief for the movie that had just been released in theaters. I am sure a few folks got a laugh out of that one. I laughed later when I didn’t hear from my boss.

Question: How did you go from captioning to becoming an author?

Answer: I came to the point where I wanted to write my own stories rather than everybody else’s. But I am thankful for the background captioning as well as court reporting has given me. As I have pursued my dreams of writing, I have found captioning hundreds of stories over the last twelve years is not that different from writing my own. I published my first book a few years ago, children’s picture book, and knew then I wanted to pursue writing someday fulltime, but the seeds of aspiration go way back to when I was a young. My youngest daughter was still a preschooler at the time, however, and I knew I needed to postpone my writing dreams for a few more years until she was older.

I wrote my first full length book two years ago, Children of Dreams, about the adoptions of my daughters from Vietnam and Nepal. Using the stenograph machine, I wrote the first draft in about six weeks. I don’t think I could have finished it that quickly if I had written it the traditional way on the computer.

Do you plan to write more books?

Yes. I have a Young Adult fantasy book I am working on as part of my Masters in Creative Writing; but in the meantime, until I make my first million (just kidding), I will keep my day job broadcast captioning.

Question: If there anything else you would like to share?

Lorilyn: I would like to encourage readers to sign a petition I have started to ask the FCC to enact minimum captioning standards. Captions are important for the hard-of-hearing and enable them to live a normal lifestyle. 

By signing the petition, it will send a message to the FCC to pass legislation. We have all witnessed poor captions, and it’s frustrating to see the deterioration. Part of the reason is because there is no minimum standard for broadcast captioning. It’s basically whoever bids the lowest gets the contract. It would be like a lawyer practicing who never passed a bar exam; but he can get lots of work by charging less. If you don’t have a minimum standard, it allows companies who aren’t highly qualified to underbid those who are. And personally, it’s very discouraging to make less money today than ten years ago for the same amount of work.

Most states have licensing requirements for court reporters, but captioning has slipped through the cracks. Many excellent captioners have moved back into court reporting or are providing CART services for students in academic settings where the hourly rate is significantly higher.

Please take a moment and let the FCC know what it means to you to have quality captioning. A significant percent of the American population is either deaf or hard of hearing, meaning between nine and 22 out of every 1,000 people.

I have also produced an educational and entertaining captioning video, CAT Captions for Television, starring my cat. CAT stands for computer-aided-transcription. You can find the link at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw7MkTLmSYk

Again, thank you for letting me share. In the meantime, you might just “see” me streaming live on your television if I am not working on my next book.

Lorilyn has homeschooled her daughters for the past fifteen years. She has published two books, The Donkey and the King and Children of Dreams; is president of the Gainesville, Florida, Word Weavers Chapter; and the founder of the John 3:16 Marketing Network.

Lorilyn's personal website can be found at http://lorilynroberts.com. You can check out her Facebook fan page where she shares writing tips at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Lorilyn-Roberts-Fan-Page/144049365650301 

GUEST POST BY DEBORAH MALONE: Book Review of ”Children of Dreams“ by Lorilyn Roberts

I really liked Deborah Malone's review of my book Children of Dreams. My hope is that, as she says, Christians will have a greater appreciation of what it means to be adopted by our heavenly Father, who loves us so much.

Review by Debbie Malone

When I received my copy of Children of Dreams in the mail I thought I would just open it and take a look. Before I knew it, I was on Chapter Eight and looking forward to reading the rest of Lorilyn's story. 

Even though this is a non-fiction book it reads like fiction. Lorilyn has put so much detail into her story you feel like you've been transported to the far regions of Nepal and Vietnam along with her. She tells of the trials and hardships she endured to adopt her children Manisha and Joy. Throughout the book, she relates the process of adoption with our adoption by our heavenly Father. You will not look at adoption the same after you read Lorilyn's book. You will not be sorry you read Children of Dreams whether you are adoptive parents or not.

For order your copy of Children of Dreams, click here.