FIVE PARENTING DO’S AND DON’TS FOR ADOPTED CHILDREN: Devotional by Lorilyn Roberts

 Now that my oldest daughter is almost 21 and my youngest is thirteen, here are some words of advice:  

Do’s  

1.  Be proactive when it comes to the health, safety and welfare of your adopted child. You know your child’s background and history better than doctors, social workers, teachers, friends, or other adoptive families. Speak up when you think something needs to be addressed. Don’t assume others know better or more than you.

 

For starters, de-worm your adopted child upon arrival from a developing country.

 

2.  Be open with your adopted child about his past. Tell him everything you know. Tuck away special items to remind him of his heritage later—pictures, letters, emails, mementos, a favorite toy, or article of clothing. Let your child decide what he wants to do with these things when he is older and respect his wishes.

 

3.  Be open about adoption with others who are interested. This does not mean you need to divulge the intimate details of your child’s adoption, but it is your opportunity to share the marvelous way God has given us to make families, giving hope to the 150 million-plus orphans in the world. When onlookers see the love shared in your family, they will be less inclined to believe the horror stories that have been perpetuated by Hollywood and negative, prejudicial people.

 

4.  Help your adoptive child to be emotionally, physically, and mentally strong. Young children most likely will catch up on motor and language skills, but be willing to provide speech or physical therapy if needed. Older kids may take more time, but as parents, our job is to do everything we can to help our children reach their potential. Given the right environment, children generally will flourish, and you will be a glowing mother as you see your new son or daughter blossom.

 

This includes finding their “gift.”  Since adopted children come with a different biological code, parents need to make an extra effort to discover their talents.

 5.  Respect your adoptive child’s family, country, culture, and memories. Even if you do not like your child’s birth family or heritage, you would not be an adoptive parent if it wasn’t for a birthmother’s gift of life. Be sensitive and respectful. Let grace begin with you, remembering that your adopted daughter is a gift from God. Love her as much as you can, and then love her some more. Don’t just tell your daughter you love her, show it. And when you screw up, admit it and say, “I am sorry.” 

Don’ts 

1.  Don’t let others discourage you from adopting. If God has put it on your heart or you have thoughtfully made a decision to build your family through adoption, do your research and pursue your dream with passion. Those who are persistent and don’t give up are the ones who eventually hold their “bundle of joy.”

 

2.  Don’t make excuses for the poor behavior of your adopted child. Address what rears its head and work through it. Seek wise counsel, particularly experts skilled in adoption issues. You don’t want your son or daughter to grow up with a “victim” mentality. Love covers many shortcomings, and what was lacking, in the beginning, can be used for good later—in the form of compassion for others. While an older adopted child will have more scars and come with a history, to overcome his past, he will need to embrace it. Only through acceptance can a child overcome the pain and move on. As a parent, you can help your son or daughter to begin that process of healing.

If your child uses adoption as an excuse for poor grades, low self-esteem, behavior maladjustment, distrust, or a host of other issues that are sometimes found in adopted children, contact a professional. Without intervention, adopted children from deprived circumstances may carry their scars into adulthood, subconsciously gravitating toward familiar dysfunctional behaviors learned from the past. You can stop this destructive cycle by recognizing the need and seeking professional help.

 

3.  Don’t force your adopted child’s heritage on her. Let her choose how she wants to live her life. If your daughter was adopted internationally when she was young, she won’t have memories of her birth country. Her norms will be the traditions and culture in which she has been raised. Even if your daughter has dark skin or slanted eyes, she is now an American, Canadian or Scandinavian. Don’t be discouraged if your adopted daughter has no interest in her roots. Remember, kids want to fit in—with friends and lifestyles. They don’t want to be different. Let them be themselves.

 

4.  Don’t be afraid to parent.  People can be quick to blame the misbehavior of adopted kids on being adopted. More than likely, after a period of time, your adopted son will be going through the normal developmental stages of growing up just like all his non-adopted friends. Your adopted son will need the same boundaries and security that all kids need. Be consistent and let him know your expectations and values. Take time. Don’t be too busy.

 5.  Don’t forget to enjoy the journey of parenting.  Take lots of pictures. The time goes by too quickly; one day you will turn around and the little baby you brought home in your arms will now be a beautiful young lady (or handsome young man). Cherish the memories. There will never be enough. 


 Lorilyn is an adoptive mother (as well as an adult adoptee) of two daughters from Nepal and Vietnam. She wrote their adoption stories in Children of Dreams. Visit her website at LorilynRoberts.com to learn more about her books and blog postings. 

LORILYN ROBERTS BOOK REVIEW: ”A Tale of Two Cities“ by Charles Dickens

A Tale of Two Cities has a complicated plot with twists and turns that eventually unravel the tightly-woven story. The story begins in France, several years before the French Revolution, switches to England, and then returns to France.  

Foreshadowing creates suspense, and as the story progresses, war ensues. Death is always a constant threat or recurring theme. In typical Dickens’ style, every character and scene is fully developed with symbolism playing an important role; i.e., the broken wine cask at the beginning and the reference to blood. The imagery reminds one of the Christian sacrament and the impending war in France.

Of particular interest are the characters; the protagonist, Lucie Manette, discovers her father has been found alive imprisoned in the French Bastille for the last eighteen years. Lucie is the embodiment of love, and her unconditional love restores her father’s sanity.

As the French Revolution draws near, the reader senses the progression of hopeless bloodshed through the continued foreshadowing of events. There is an overarching uneasiness that something evil is going to happen to the main characters. The darkness of one of the main antagonists, Madame DeFarge, and her constant knitting of the names of those condemned to death stands in stark contrast to the loving protagonist, Lucie Manette.

Soon Darnay and Lucie marry, and a few years later, the French Revolution begins.

Dickens shows the intense suffering and affliction of the masses and the arrogant aristocracy, which is portrayed by the heartless Marquis Evrémonde when he runs over a poor plebian child. The impending conflict in France creeps ever so closer to the Manette family in England when Darnay travels to France and is arrested. 

Darnay returns to Paris to free one of his former servants from prison but is imprisoned on false charges. After a year, he is released following a trial, only to be immediately seized again by the evil Madame DeFarge. 

The father, who has been “recalled to life,” teeter-totters on psychosis, reverting to his old shoemaking occupation while in prison when Darnay for the second time is sent to the guillotine.

The tight plot, where nothing is wasted, builds to a stunning conclusion with the eventual escape of Lucie, Darnay, and their young daughter from Paris back to London, thanks to Miss Pross’ killing of Madame DeFarge.

One of the most poignant characters is Sydney Carton. In the beginning, he is an unhappy attorney that has taken to drinking and feels his life has been wasted; yet, he still longs for a meaningful relationship and finds it in the ever-so-compassionate Lucie Manette. Through her kindness, he becomes more than he could have hoped for or imagined. Her love reaches deep, and, in the end, propels him to make the ultimate sacrifice for Lucie and her family, where his purpose in living embodies ultimate redemption.

A Tale of Two Cities reminds me of those books and movies that need to be enjoyed twice; the first time for the overview of the complex plot, and the second time to appreciate the various symbolisms and motifs that make for a magnificent story.

Available on Amazon here.

LORILYN ROBERTS BOOK REVIEW: “Sell More Books: Book Marketing and Publishing for Low Profile and Debut Authors,” by J. Steve Miller

Sell More Books!: Book Marketing and Publishing for Low Profile and Debut Authors, Rethinking Book Publicity after the Digital Revolutions by J. Steve Miller, Blythe Daniel, Stephanie Richards, and John Kremer

Book Review by Lorilyn Roberts

When I read the title, Sell More Books! I couldn’t imagine anything that would help ME to sell more books.  After all, I had done nearly everything that had been suggested by marketing gurus and experts. What else was there that I hadn’t already tried?


Originally, my marketing plan consisted of a little bit of this and a little bit of that, hoping something might work. I was so afraid that if I didn’t try everything, the one thing I didn’t do would be the difference-maker. Why I took this approach, I don’t know, except to acknowledge that marketing is far more overwhelming and complicated than writing a book. 

Oftentimes we are bombarded with a zillion suggestions from well-meaning marketing folks, and being the newbie that I was, I tried most of them. What I found, however, is that many of those highly touted things didn’t work (and don’t work for most new or low-profile authors). Do you really need a publicist, for instance? What about all those press releases that cost a lot of money? And drawing up a marketing plan? What would that consist of, anyway? Sell More Books! will help.

Once I began reading Sell More Books! I realized what I needed were not new methods or ideas but a strategy to help me evaluate what I had already done. And Sell More Books! did not disappoint. I never thought about incorporating what had worked into a marketing plan that would fit my needs and budget in the future. I think it’s just human nature, like a cow, to think the grass on the other side of the fence is greener. Whatever we haven’t done is what we think we need to do because somebody somewhere says so—and we think they know more than we do.

Sell More Books! made me realize I was not alone, but by following some common sense and inexpensive suggestions, I could resurrect my lagging sales and achieve better results. Simply put, I needed to look at those things that had worked and continue to pursue them. And lastly, but also very important, I was challenged not to sit on those ideas but to put them to good use. When you become discouraged, oftentimes the hardest part is just getting started again. And because Sell More Books! helped me to see the mistakes I had made, and I felt I could trust Steve Miller on other aspects of marketing I wasn’t as sure about.

Not everybody sells tons of books from TV and radio appearances—really? I thought I was the only one. What worked for me, I found myself asking? What about all of those wonderful book reviews I have posted on Amazon and other websites? Why not get some more? After all, you can’t have too many.

These are just two ways to market out of dozens outlined in Sell More Books. The suggestions run the gamut for every type of book in print and every type of person. Yes, we are all different. Go with what works for you and throw out the rest. Don’t feel like your book is a failure if something worked for someone else but doesn’t work for you.

In addition, Steve Miller shares many stories from authors he has talked to first-hand regarding marketing—and has concluded, as I did, that many things are a waste of money. I wish I had read Sell More Books two years ago. I could have made better choices in marketing Children of Dreams, saving myself a lot of time, money, and discouragement.

Sell More Books is the best marketing book I have read. Buy yours today and don’t repeat the mistakes others have made. You will be encouraged to keep on keeping on in the difficult world of marketing.

To purchase from Amazon, click here