“HE SAYS, ‘BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD’” PSALM 46:10 (NIV): Devotional by Lorilyn Roberts

As I was prepped for my third round of proton therapy treatment, I reached up to grab the bars overhead. Once I was positioned, the technician said, “Don’t move.” He closed the treatment room door, and I waited for the cancer-killing machine to start. The equipment started and stopped over and over. My arms became spastic and tired. When the machine finally finished, I broke into tears. I hadn’t moved for two hours. Later, my daughter dropped off some cards from friends to encourage me. Among the cards was a Bible verse: “Be still and know that I am God.”

Click to Tweet Click to Tweet http://bit.ly/LR-BeStill While I never had to stay immobile for that long again, the discipline of being still showed me how difficult it can be in times of stress and uncertainty. #devotional #blogger

However, if we are still, God won’t need to shout to get our attention. We’ll hear his counsel even if he whispers to us in prayer or boldly speaks to us through others. When we have moments of quietness, we’re less likely to become overly distracted by the busyness of life. Being still and waiting on God will also help to prevent us from making costly mistakes. 

Because the tyranny of the urgent will consume us if we let it, we need to allow times of rest and relaxation. Many things can lead us astray or encroach on our lives unnecessarily. Quiet moments allow us to recharge—and that helps to keep us healthy, less stressed, and more content.

Prayer:  Dear Father, help us to be still when we need to be still, ready to serve when we need to serve, and the wisdom to know the difference.

PODCAST: “How God Has Helped Me to Finish My Latest Book While Battling Breast Cancer,” by Lorilyn Roberts

Recently Dr. Charles W. Page hosted me on his Spoonfuls of Courage Podcast where I discuss my battle with breast cancer and finishing my latest book, Seventh Dimension - The Prescience: A Young Adult Fantasy, Book 5. 

The Podcast is about 25 minutes long, and I hope you will enjoy hearing my testimony. I don’t know how people go through the hard things in life without Jesus Christ.  Please take a listen and be blessed.

http://bit.ly/LR_BCJ

BREAST CANCER: TENTH TAXOL TREATMENT AND GOD STILL HAS MY BACK: Devotional by Lorilyn Roberts

I had my tenth Taxol treatment today and all my numbers were normal! The PA said up to 85% of patients have neuropathy, and is amazed I haven't had anything. I continue to praise God and give Him the glory. I think the cold gloves are also helping, although, to be honest, it's torture wearing them.

Food still tastes good also, which is a bonus. I'm wearing the arm sleeve through chemo treatment as the physical therapist said it would help to prevent lymphedema. I use it with captioning - most of the time. It's very hot to wear in Florida. The radiation will increase the risk of lymphedema, so I need to do what I can now to prevent it.

Only six more chemo treatments. Two taxol followed by four Adriamycin and Cytoxan. The Ariamycin doesn't cause the neuropathy, so I should not have to worry about that once I finish the Taxol until I start radiation. But Adriamycin can cause LOTS of other problems.

Joy drew this for me for Mother's Day during chemo treatment

In the meantime, I feel attacks in other areas. I've had major on-air tech issues while captioning -- things becoming strangely unplugged, communication issues with printer and computer, that suddenly start working after many many attempts, icap issues with audio (I heard I'm not the only one with this one), incredibly slow issues with my internet provider, computer lock-up, captioning software lock-up, and I've had disappearing files (never happened) requiring me to rewrite shows that I've cleaned for repeat shows. and a couple of brain freeze things.

I came back from the infusion today and went to sleep for three hours, turning on my alarm to wake me up before MLB captioning. I woke up, looked at the clock, and it said 7. I thought it was the morning and didn't remember why I set the alarm, so I turned it off. I woke up ten till 8pm. I went on the air at 8. Well, that's a terrible thing to do. So I worry about stuff like this.

My car is also on the fritz. I'm pretty sure it's the transmission. I had it repaired once which cost $3,000 about five years ago. How much more money should I put into it with 230,000 miles? Last year I lost a few thousand because a company ripped me off. I was fixing to file a lawsuit with their corporate offices when I was diagnosed with beast cancer, so I ended up settling out of court with their corporate offices for $2,000, but I gave half that money to a retired lawyer friend that got my car fixed. Otherwise, I would have been forced to buy another car because of the shop's malpractice. The worst part is my car was unreliable and broke down all over town the entire summer as we tried to figure out what the store did to it. We did find everything they screwed up and fixed it, but I just can't go through the stress this summer of a unreliable car when I'm dealing with cancer treatment.

Another prayer request. In my last post, I loaded an excerpt from "The Prescience" and sent a copy of it to a good author friend in Indonesia who is involved in Muslim-Christian relations as a missionary. He pretty much ripped apart my chapter, and, to be honest, I think he's right. So I spent hours reworking it, and then got another email from a good author friend in England who loved it. So then I questioned if maybe I should rethink everything. Both authors had great insights, and they aren't necessarily mutually exclusive, in some respects, so please pray for me to find the balance I need in this chapter.

I continue to keep my eyes on Jesus, knowing He is the Author and my Redeemer. I have to remember that all redemption may not occur in this life. But I also know Hope never disappoints, and the Comforter's ways are better than mine. So with prayers and God's wisdom I hope to beat every attack on me and give God the glory. He is teaching me many things though all of these struggles, and that brings me supernatural joy.

BREAST CANCER: HOW WE SHOULD VIEW OUR BODIES: Devotional by Lorilyn Roberts

My comments were made in reference to the link below.  Confessions and Lessons by R.K. Patel

If you would prefer just to read my comments, I have copied and pasted them here.

As someone who just had a double mastectomy for breast cancer and undergoing breast reconstruction, I now have a new appreciation for my body. Like you (R.K. Patel, see article referenced), I had been critical of myself, and I have many scars also. It's strange now that I don't have my old breasts, while I'm thankful for the fake ones, I wish they were real.

Sometimes we don't appreciate what we have until we don't have that thing anymore, like good health. Cancer takes that away, especially when you are late stage. Now, I'm thankful for what God has given me, and I'm taking better care of my body, like eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly. I'm making the time for a healthy lifestyle. 

The one thing I would add is that the Bible says our body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, it's incumbent to take better care of it so that the Holy Spirit can thrive. When we take better care of our physical bodies, we feel better spiritually and mentally. We make better choices. We live better, and since we aren't running out of gas, so to speak, pulling ourselves down with negative thoughts and critical beliefs about ourselves, we have more to give to others. We will love better. We live out of abundance, not limited by our own personal needs.

Boundaries are important also. With healthy boundaries, we will know what we are comfortable with, and we won't compare ourselves to others. Our bodies are holy, so we should be holy, in all our ways. When we do that, we will glorify God, and that should be our highest calling.

BREAST CANCER: AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FOR WOMEN WITH DENSE BREASTS: Christian Blogger Lorilyn Roberts

I pray that the information I share in this video, while difficult to talk about, will help women with dense breast tissue and/or prior breast biopsies and surgeries to receive the best possible care. 

Talk with your doctor about getting MRIs on a routine basis in addition to mammography. It could save your life.

BREAST CANCER: FIFTH ROUND OF CHEMOTHERAPY - WORTHY IS THE LAMB: Devotional by Lorilyn Roberts

 

How I spent my Fri.  @michaelwsmith #breastcancer https://t.co/EbkSpAwKBf pic.twitter.com/o8wgvnD8c7

— Lorilyn Roberts (@LorilynRoberts) May 6, 2017

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPBmFwBSGb0  - Agnus Dei by Michael W. Smith, my song!

Is God not worthy of me going through chemo? Can I glorify Him through this? Absolutely. Jesus died on the cross for the fallenness of our world. While we have momentary afflictions now, there is nothing that can ever separate from the love of Jesus Christ. Our God is an awesome God!

BREAST CANCER: WHAT IT’S LIKE TO HAVE BREAST CANCER: Devotional by Lorilyn Roberts

Lorilyn With Her Mom Finishing Treatment 2017

My first chemo treatment was easy. But the two days leading up to it were not.

When I went to Moffitt to get a second opinon, the doctor recommended I have a CT scan performed on my lungs for a pleural effusion that showed up on the PET scan. She had never seen a pleural effusion caused only by surgery. 

So, of course, that gave me something else to worry about. None of my doctors had mentioned getting a CT scan on the lungs. The X-ray had been clear before the surgery.  

The CT scan was set up for the next day, a welcomed surprise it was accomplished so quickly, but the CT nurse didn’t know how to access my chemo port correctly. It was the most painful procedure I’d had done yet - unbearable. She didn’t flush out the port afterwards, and apparently when the contrast was put into the vein during the CT scan, it didn’t go into my vein but extravasated into the surrounding tissue. Talk about painful, I could’t quit crying. 

I was afraid I’d never get through the sixteen weeks of chemotherapy. Later, the infusion nurses told me never to let anyone access the port but them. The CT nurse could have damaged the infusion site. This could have caused a blood clot, infection, more surgery, and skin grafting. She also didn’t flush it.
  

The CT nurse took me back to the waiting room where I cried some more. Another patient asked if he could pray for me. I thanked him. That was the lowest point of my cancer journey. If I couldn’t handle the port being accessed, how could I handle the chemo treatment?

On the way to my CT appointment, one of our cats had something wrong with him. He was walking around the house groaning. We had taken him to the vet the week before for urine issues and an obstruction. He didn’t have an obstruction then, but I was certain he had one now. 

With male cats, it’s an emergency. I was afraid he would die without immediate care, but I was on my way to my CT scan. They squeezed me in because of the concern raised by the doctor at Moffitt. The procedure also needed to be done before I started chemo.

I called my oldest daughter. She left work and came to get Anakin to take him to the vet. Otherwise, I could not have made my appointment. The vet said he would have died within an hour without being seen. He’s still at the vet being treated. Hopefully he can come home Monday. We have switched to a prescription cat food that should prevent this from happening again. 

The next day, following the CT scan and endoscopy procedure, I hadn’t received the results, so I was anxious for the infusion appointment. I had my highest blood pressure reading ever. 

When I met with the PA, she said the lungs showed no signs of cancer, and the endoscopy biopsies were related to heartburn. Talk about relief. That would have pushed me into a stage 4 breast cancer. It’s hard for me to believe I’m a stage 3 because I had a clear mammogram and sonogram. No spread to nodes was visible on MRI or exam. The spread to the lymph nodes showed up microscopically on the biopsy.

I am now in my fourth week of Taxol treatment. I have eight more weeks to go. This will be followed by eight weeks of Adriamycin (four treatments in all on this one, every other week.)

I’m thankful I’ve started chemo treatment, and I'm thankful that through four treatments, I haven't had any side effects. 

I attribute the good outcome of my surgery and the ease so far of the chemotherapy to God’s faithfulness and prayers of so many saints. 

I hope all the additional treatments go as easily as the first four infusions, but I’ve heard people say the side effects get worse. In the meantime, I like to think the drugs are hunting down any cancer cells in my body and killing them.

The doctors have said that it's highly unusual a 1.7 cm tumor to be in as many lymph nodes as shown in the pathology report — 11 out of 15. That’s just a little larger than half an inch. 

Someday I hope to share this story — my cancer is like sin. Something that small in my body is deadly. Without Jesus Christ, a tiny bit of sin will keep us out of heaven. Something to think about, isn’t it?

Thanks again for your prayers. I really appreciate it. And if you love animals, pray that our little kitty that was found abandoned a few years ago will be restored to health. His name is Anakin.

Addendum:  Little Anakin is doing very well now:)

BREAST CANCER - GOD'S GOT MY BACK: Devotional by Lorilyn Roberts

Cedar Key 4-3-2017

Perhaps today I write my most difficult blog post. My oldest daughter would say I’m being too dramatic, too emotional, giving too much information, or giving too much of something. I’ve waited three months to write about my diagnosis because, first, I didn’t know what to say. Then I was too busy learning about things I never thought I would need to know. Then I got depressed and didn’t want to write anything.

In the middle of my emotional roller coaster ride, I was trying to finish The Prescience. I got to 91,000 words and realized, this can’t all fit into one book. I will have to break it up into two books. I probably set a record writing all those words in about six weeks. I was determined to finish it before my surgery in case I didn’t wake up. I thought at least some poor soul could edit and publish it.

I have since split up the manuscript into two books and am editing book 5, The Prescience.

To be candid, though, the number of doctors’ appointments has slowed me down. Last week I had five doctors’ appointments and two surgeries. Rather overwhelming. I told one doctor, “Cancer sucks.” In case you didn’t know this, cancer has a way of screwing up well-intentioned plans.

When I lay inside the MRI listening to it bang out disturbing dins as it took images, I recited the words from one of my favorite songs, “Jesus is coming back again.” As the minutes dragged on—I had to stay in a very uncomfortable position for a very long time—I shortened it to “Jesus is coming.” By the end of the longest thirty-plus minutes of my life, all I could say was “Jesus.”

That was back in the first week of January. Biopsies confirmed breast cancer. I’ll save the details for later, when I’m not facing the harshness of chemo followed by radiation.  How do you describe three months of nonstop medical treatment anyway? I still have a minimum of seven more months to go. Once the cancer treatment is finished, I’ll have six months off, and then the doctors can finish the reconstruction. I opted for a double mastectomy with implants.

My blog entries look rather empty for 2017. If you are receiving this as my quarterly email, you haven’t heard from me since October. I met my surgeon on the day Trump was inaugurated. 2017 will be known as the year I fought cancer.

Seriously, cancer is life changing. I’m thankful God is unchanging. In the midst of everything, He has been my rock and my anchor. My verse through all of this is Isaiah 58:8:  

Then your salvation will come like the dawn 

and your wounds will quickly heal. 

Your godliness will lead you forward 

and the joy of the Lord 

will protect you from behind.

I have no memory of writing that verse in the back of my note pad. I found it—just when I needed it. My translation is, “God has my back.”

What is God teaching me? That I have a long ways to go to be the person He wants me to be. Hebrews 12:5 is very helpful:

And you have forgotten that word of encouragement 
that addresses you as sons [and daughters],

My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,

And do not lose heart when he rebukes you,

Because the Lord disciplines those he loves,

And he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.

Endure hardship as discipline.

God is treating you as sons…

Perhaps to some this might sound harsh, but to me, I'm reassured of God's love. While Satan wanted to discourage me and keep me from finishing the Seventh Dimension Series, I knew God was and is using my cancer diagnosis for good. He’s teaching me things I could not learn any other way. 

So I press on, facing months of treatment, knowing God has my back. I feel Jesus’ presence each day, meeting my felt needs through family, friends, and prayer warriors. Some of those praying I don’t know, but God knows them and hears them. 

I’m thankful for everyone who has brought food, sent notes, delivered flowers, called, emailed, and posted on my Facebook page. I honestly don’t know how anyone goes through cancer treatment or any other heartache without our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

I’m thankful I have a good prognosis, but mostly I’m thankful God is with me. The reality is, all of us are mortal, and knowing Jesus is coming back is most reassuring. 

One book I found helpful is Don’t Waste Your Cancer by John Piper. There is more I could say, but I’ll save it for later. Please pray I won’t waste my cancer, I keep my eyes on Jesus, I don’t grow weary, and I glorify God through the very last day of treatment. I can tell you, I have not been who I could have been at times. I’m learning to live more humbly.

My focus when not dealing with cancer treatment has been to edit The Prescience. Book 6 doesn’t have a title yet, and – yes, I can’t believe it, but there will be a book 7. 

A little tease is in order—book 7 won’t be written from the point of view of Shale or Daniel. I’ll let you wonder from whose viewpoint it will be written.

I’m excited to be editing The Prescience even if it’s at a slower pace. Hopefully, my writing will be impacted in a positive way. I pray God will touch my emotional creativity to make my writing more heart-felt as Shale and Daniel battle an uncertain future that we will all be facing soon.

The most important thing for me right now is to stay close to God, love my family, value my friendships, and seek God’s will in all areas of my life—even in the mundane.

I start chemo on Friday this week. I know some days will be harder than others, but I know I can get through it with God helping me. Your prayers are immensely appreciated.