BREAST CANCER - GOD'S GOT MY BACK: Devotional by Lorilyn Roberts

Cedar Key 4-3-2017

Perhaps today I write my most difficult blog post. My oldest daughter would say I’m being too dramatic, too emotional, giving too much information, or giving too much of something. I’ve waited three months to write about my diagnosis because, first, I didn’t know what to say. Then I was too busy learning about things I never thought I would need to know. Then I got depressed and didn’t want to write anything.

In the middle of my emotional roller coaster ride, I was trying to finish The Prescience. I got to 91,000 words and realized, this can’t all fit into one book. I will have to break it up into two books. I probably set a record writing all those words in about six weeks. I was determined to finish it before my surgery in case I didn’t wake up. I thought at least some poor soul could edit and publish it.

I have since split up the manuscript into two books and am editing book 5, The Prescience.

To be candid, though, the number of doctors’ appointments has slowed me down. Last week I had five doctors’ appointments and two surgeries. Rather overwhelming. I told one doctor, “Cancer sucks.” In case you didn’t know this, cancer has a way of screwing up well-intentioned plans.

When I lay inside the MRI listening to it bang out disturbing dins as it took images, I recited the words from one of my favorite songs, “Jesus is coming back again.” As the minutes dragged on—I had to stay in a very uncomfortable position for a very long time—I shortened it to “Jesus is coming.” By the end of the longest thirty-plus minutes of my life, all I could say was “Jesus.”

That was back in the first week of January. Biopsies confirmed breast cancer. I’ll save the details for later, when I’m not facing the harshness of chemo followed by radiation.  How do you describe three months of nonstop medical treatment anyway? I still have a minimum of seven more months to go. Once the cancer treatment is finished, I’ll have six months off, and then the doctors can finish the reconstruction. I opted for a double mastectomy with implants.

My blog entries look rather empty for 2017. If you are receiving this as my quarterly email, you haven’t heard from me since October. I met my surgeon on the day Trump was inaugurated. 2017 will be known as the year I fought cancer.

Seriously, cancer is life changing. I’m thankful God is unchanging. In the midst of everything, He has been my rock and my anchor. My verse through all of this is Isaiah 58:8:  

Then your salvation will come like the dawn 

and your wounds will quickly heal. 

Your godliness will lead you forward 

and the joy of the Lord 

will protect you from behind.

I have no memory of writing that verse in the back of my note pad. I found it—just when I needed it. My translation is, “God has my back.”

What is God teaching me? That I have a long ways to go to be the person He wants me to be. Hebrews 12:5 is very helpful:

And you have forgotten that word of encouragement 
that addresses you as sons [and daughters],

My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,

And do not lose heart when he rebukes you,

Because the Lord disciplines those he loves,

And he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.

Endure hardship as discipline.

God is treating you as sons…

Perhaps to some this might sound harsh, but to me, I'm reassured of God's love. While Satan wanted to discourage me and keep me from finishing the Seventh Dimension Series, I knew God was and is using my cancer diagnosis for good. He’s teaching me things I could not learn any other way. 

So I press on, facing months of treatment, knowing God has my back. I feel Jesus’ presence each day, meeting my felt needs through family, friends, and prayer warriors. Some of those praying I don’t know, but God knows them and hears them. 

I’m thankful for everyone who has brought food, sent notes, delivered flowers, called, emailed, and posted on my Facebook page. I honestly don’t know how anyone goes through cancer treatment or any other heartache without our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

I’m thankful I have a good prognosis, but mostly I’m thankful God is with me. The reality is, all of us are mortal, and knowing Jesus is coming back is most reassuring. 

One book I found helpful is Don’t Waste Your Cancer by John Piper. There is more I could say, but I’ll save it for later. Please pray I won’t waste my cancer, I keep my eyes on Jesus, I don’t grow weary, and I glorify God through the very last day of treatment. I can tell you, I have not been who I could have been at times. I’m learning to live more humbly.

My focus when not dealing with cancer treatment has been to edit The Prescience. Book 6 doesn’t have a title yet, and – yes, I can’t believe it, but there will be a book 7. 

A little tease is in order—book 7 won’t be written from the point of view of Shale or Daniel. I’ll let you wonder from whose viewpoint it will be written.

I’m excited to be editing The Prescience even if it’s at a slower pace. Hopefully, my writing will be impacted in a positive way. I pray God will touch my emotional creativity to make my writing more heart-felt as Shale and Daniel battle an uncertain future that we will all be facing soon.

The most important thing for me right now is to stay close to God, love my family, value my friendships, and seek God’s will in all areas of my life—even in the mundane.

I start chemo on Friday this week. I know some days will be harder than others, but I know I can get through it with God helping me. Your prayers are immensely appreciated.

BOOK EXCERPT: CHILDREN OF DREAMS: Chapter 8: “Ask the Animals, and They Will Teach You”

...ask the animals, and they will teach you

Job 12:7

(Excerpt from Children of Dreams, Chapter 8)

My mind flashed back to when I was young.

I was awakened by a big white dog licking me in my face and jumping all over my bed. As I tried to open my eyes from what I thought was a dream, my mother said, “This is Gypsy. We are going to keep her.”

Gypsy was the friend I longed for but didn’t have. When I came home from school, she would greet me at the door with her tail wagging. I walked her, fed her, and played with her. After we returned from each walk, I would announce how many times she had used the bathroom, both number one and number two, as if to validate I was the best dog walker in the world. I even cleaned up after her when she threw up so nobody would know.

Gypsy was a stray. The night before she jumped on me in bed she had snuck into the house with my dad. She was God’s gift to me. We were inseparable.

One afternoon I arrived home from school and knew something was wrong. She didn't greet me at the door like she usually did and I ran through the house frantically looking for her.  

“She's gone,” my mother and father told me. “She won’t be back. The manager of the apartment came and took her away.”

“Where did they take her?”  I cried.

“The manager said they would dump her off on the road somewhere far from here. You know the apartment complex doesn’t allow dogs.”

I ran out of the room and up the stairs to my bedroom. My mind was flooded with memories of the most important thing in my little world. My heart was broken, confused, and hurting. Gypsy was gone.

That night bolts of thunder crashed outside my bedroom. Lightning pierced through the window shades. I imagined Gypsy in the darkness. I could feel her white warm fur against my skin and see her dark, brown eyes pleading for me to come to get her. I cried into my pillow as peels of thunder bounced off the walls. If Gypsy ever found her way back, I vowed to run away with her. I would never let anybody take her from me again.

But the next day came and went and she didn’t return. I went to school each day hoping for the impossible, that somehow she could find her way back from wherever they dumped her.

It was Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. We were packing things up to go visit my new father’s family in North Carolina. My mother had recently remarried. I kept looking up the hill in front of the apartment, imagining that she would come running down the street any minute. I knew it would be impossible, but still, I hoped. I made one last trip to my bedroom. The car was loaded and we were ready to leave. I picked up my pillow and thought of the first morning she licked me on the face in bed.

“Please, Gypsy, come back to me. You need a home and someone to love you. I need you.”

I walked out the door of our apartment to get into the car. I glanced one last time up the hill. Out of nowhere, suddenly, there was something white. Was it, could it be—I dropped my pillow and started running up the hill. I ran as fast as my legs would carry me, my mind racing to think what seemed like the impossible. It couldn’t be—but it was.

Gypsy ran frantically toward me, tattered, dirty, and exhausted. Somehow she had miraculously found her way home through the raging storm. After being lost for days in the cold November nights, miles from our home, Gypsy had done the impossible. She had found her way back to me.

“Gypsy!” I cried. I crouched down to grab her as she jumped into my arms, holding her tightly around the neck, crying and rejoicing all at the same time. My dog was lost, but now she was found.

“I will never let go of you,” I promised. She squealed with delight and licked my face. For the first time in my young life, I knew there had to be a God.

📘📘📘📘📘

The picture above is one of only three pictures I have of my beloved dog. She died of kidney failure when I was fifteen, and as we were burying her, another huge storm came up, with thunder and lightning, completely out of nowhere. It was a beautiful day. We had to rush to get her buried. 

I truly believe there was something supernatural about Gypsy. God gave her to me to show me God existed and loved me. I promised Gypsy that someday everybody would know who she was, that I would tell the world about her. 

I didn't have any idea how that would happen when I was fifteen, in the dinosaur age before the internet and all the other technology that exists today, but I didn’t doubt that I would. It was a promise I made to her, and I’m thankful that I kept my promise. It was as if I made that promise to God. Dog is God spelled backward, and God revealed Himself to me in a dog that loved me, and for that, I will always be thankful. 

Children of Dreams can be downloaded for free here

WILL GOD ALLOW OTHERS TO TAKE AWAY OUR DREAMS? Excerpt from "Children of Dreams" by Lorilyn Roberts

Excerpt from Children of Dreams by Lorilyn Roberts

…the children of the promise

Romans 9:8

“I took away her dreams,” my husband told the judge on September 4, 1986. Humanly speaking, he might have thought so. In John 8:44, Satan is described as the “Father of lies.” Satan’s desire was to destroy me, to make me doubt God’s love and goodness. In my pain, I believed a lie, much like the children believed Aslan was dead in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.

But there is a higher law, a law that governs the universe, that supersedes every human sin and evil that attempts to corrupt God’s perfection. Our heavenly Father, who is full of grace and mercy, works out His purposes despite the evil one that lurks in the shadows. No human being has the power to thwart God’s ultimate plan. He works in spite of the prince of this world and uses everything for His glory. Nothing is ever wasted, whether it is disease, affliction, corruption, greed, lies, or betrayal. Jesus is our ultimate example of being perfect and commanded us in Matthew 5:48 to “Be perfect, even as your heavenly Father in heaven is perfect.”

God’s incredible love for us is even more astounding when one considers He was under no obligation to adopt us. He could have treated us as angels, making us spiritually alive through regeneration, and justifying us under the law through His death and resurrection. (Wayne Grudem, Systematic Theology, Grand Rapids, Mich, 1994, 738-739) But to adopt us and call us His children, to call Himself our Father, displays an intimacy in our relationship that defies, in my limited understanding, all logic. Why would the Creator of the universe want to be our Father? Even Albert Einstein, for all his genius, could not understand God as a personal God. (Hugh Ross, Ph.D., The Creator and the Cosmos, Colorado Springs, Col: Navpress, 2001, 75.)

Just as I signed a contract and made a down payment to adopt my children before I left for Nepal and Vietnam, God has given us “His Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come” (2 Corinthians 1:22).

On July 26, 2000, we made a memorable trip to the Alachua County Courthouse to finalize Joy’s adoption. A few years earlier, I had taken Manisha to the same place to finalize hers. Both of my children’s adoption decrees are now sealed and kept safe, just as my adoption paper is sealed in heaven, waiting for Jesus to open and reveal my inheritance.

I renamed my children Hope and Joy, and God promises to give us a new name, “known only to him who receives it” (Rev 2:17). The adoption of my children represents a foreshadowing of what God has in store for all of us.

Much of the meaning of being a child of God has yet to be revealed because it’s in the future. It is hard to comprehend the King giving me heavenly possessions that will never break, become outdated, cost too much, get lost, or that I don’t have to return because they are defective. In my limited understanding, I have tried to imagine a world where there will be “no more death or mourning or crying or pain” (Rev 21:4); where the dwelling of God will be among us and He will wipe away every tear (Rev 21:4); where every kind of precious stone forms the foundation of the heavenly city which is paved in gold (Rev 21:19).

How can we envision perfection when all we have known is imperfection? God longs to be our Father, to share His inheritance with us, just as I longed to be an orphan’s mother. God planned us to be part of His family from the foundations of the world. He made us for His glory and “set eternity in the hearts of men” (Ecc 3:11). He will give us new bodies that will never grow old or die, but will be raised imperishable (I Cor 15:42).

I am sure if I told my children, “You can go back to Vietnam or Nepal and live your former way of life before I adopted you,” they would turn it down. Why would they want to go back to depravity and worms and hunger? In our heavenly home, the old order of things will have passed away (Rev 21:4) and the former things will not be remembered (Isaiah 65:17).

Before I adopted my two beautiful daughters, it was hard to imagine what it would like to be a mother. I dreamed about little girls and birthday parties, Christmas trees and toys, bear hugs and butterfly kisses, and my name transformed into the magical word “Mommy.” Through prayer and God’s faithfulness, what seemed impossible became real. And so it will be someday with us and our heavenly Father.

 

 

Hebrews 11:1 says that “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” God knows how we are formed and remembers we are dust (Psalm 103:14). Jesus said when we pray, to call God “Our Father.” The Spirit testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children (Romans 8:16). God compares Himself to a father having compassion on his children. (Psalms 103:13). Our heavenly Father loved us so much that He gave us His only begotten Son (John 3:16), and He has made us heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ (Romans 8:17). Even creation itself will be liberated when we are brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God (Romans 8:21). Through adoption, God gave me my “Children of Dreams” and quenched the desires of my heart (Psalms 37:4). With God, our heavenly Father, before the foundations of the world, He made us His “Children of Promise.” (Romans 9:8 and Galatians 4:28)

Revelation 5: 9-10

Here is the new song they sang.

“You are worthy to take the scroll

and break open its seals.

 

 

 

You are worthy because you were put to death.

With your blood you bought people for God.

They come from every tribe, language, people and nation.

10 You have made them members of a royal family.

You have made them priests to serve our God.

They will rule on the earth.”

 

 

___________

 

 

To Order, Click Here

 

 

Lorilyn's two daughters on Broadway with movie star Zachary Levi, "First Date"

 

Lorilyn Roberts is a Christian author who writes children's picture books, adult nonfiction, memoirs, and a young adult Christian fantasy series, Seventh Dimension.

Lorilyn graduated Magna Cum Laude from the University of Alabama, which included international study in Israel and England. She received her Masters in Creative Writing from Perelandra College and is a graduate of the Institute of Children's Literature.

Lorilyn is the founder of the John 316 Marketing Network, a network of Christian authors who are passionate about promoting books with a Christian worldview.

To learn more about Lorilyn, please visit her website at http://lorilynroberts.com. You can follow her on twitter at http://twitter.com/lorilynroberts

THE DEMONIC DEATH KNELL: Devotional by Lorilyn Roberts

There should be a funeral for dead marriages. There isn't.

At first the rain fell softly outside my bedroom window. Soon it increased in intensity. What began as a light mist quickly turned into a torrential downpour. The closed blinds could not shut out the lightning bolts that pierced the darkness. Thunder rocked my already frayed nerves that kept me up most of the night. Light finally arrived but the rain continued to pound relentlessly.

I dressed and ran out the door. I didn't know where I was going. Part of me believed I would never return. I wanted to run away from everything—life; Tim, my husband; the future, the past, the present—mostly I wanted to run away from myself. I wandered down the street through the pouring rain soaking through my clothes. I was a bad wife, I convinced myself, and deserved to be punished and sentenced to a life of misery. I walked around a fenced-in retention pond and headed down a pathway into the woods. I was ready to end my life of thirty years—a life that I saw no value in—wasted.

“God, why have you abandoned me,” I cried out. “Where are you?”

Lightning imprinted and disappeared across the angry sky. I felt fearful and fearless, in control of my thoughts, but my emotions spun out of control.

A stream bordering the woods near my house caught my eye. I approached the crest of the hill and was surprised to see it rambling on in the distance; I climbed down the slippery slope as raindrops seeped into my cold, waterlogged clothes.

As the rain fell harder, the sides of the creek turned to mud. I lost my balance and stumbled down the embankment as the cold water oozed into my shoes and socks. I smeared the slimy mess over my arms, legs, face, and into my blonde hair. The smell of the rancid water sickened me. I continued to cry out to a God I wasn't sure I believed in anymore, but if He did exist, I was angry with Him.

“Where are you?” I cried out. “Why don't you save my marriage?”

Over the seven years of marriage, I had kept my faith hidden because Tim couldn’t or wouldn’t relate to that part of me. If anything, he had belittled my search for understanding of the deeper things in the Bible, much like others had bullied me as a child. Anything from the Bible always stirred up controversy. I dragged Tim to church despite his protests because it was too hard to go alone. All Tim’s promises of a wonderful life as a doctor’s wife and supporting me so I could return to school had vanished—the way of  everything else in the marriage.

The religion classes I took at Santa Fe State College had given me an academic understanding of the Bible, but not the kind of heart knowledge that reached down into my soul. With the resignation of the pastor a few weeks earlier at the church we attended occasionally, Tim vowed never to go back. Rejected and feeling unloved, I’d given up.

The limestone from the muddy creek burned my eyes and scratched my skin. How many creepy, crawly things filled the water that now covered by body? I rolled over and stared up at the darkened, gray sky. Is this all there was? Was there nothing more to live for?

As dirty as I felt, it wasn't enough. There had to be something more I could do to become the ugly, dirty, unloved person that I was. I climbed out of the creek and headed back to the house. The rain had let up but not the seething pain that lashed out at me. When I returned to the house, I washed off the dirt in the shower knowing I had not accomplished what I wanted.

Then I remembered the pills in the medicine cabinet. I tried to dismiss the thought but I couldn't. I wanted my torment to end. Rejection consumed me. I longed to be loved, held, and needed. I felt like God had abandoned me. The lies were deafening.

I opened the medicine cabinet and searched for pills—anything I could find. I pulled out several bottles—an assortment of Tylenol, Bayer, and other things accumulated during our marriage. Not concerned with what they were, I opened each bottle and threw the contents on the table.

I sat for a long time staring at the scattered pills that threatened to end my life. They spoke my name, called out to me, and taunted me. I was in a trance. I took them and made a face—my face, with a mouth contorted into an upside‑down smile. Nobody could hurt me anymore. I took pleasure in the fact that the last act in my life was mine, not something somebody did to me.

As I reached for the pills, I was stopped by something far bigger than myself. A voice spoke to my heart out of the recesses of time and space, a word‑thought that was not of this world. It was not an audible voice, but it was as real to me as if it had been.

I saw myself standing in front of Jesus, outside the gates of heaven. He was waiting for me. From his lips came a question I had no answer to.

“Lori, how can you do this thing when I died for you two thousand years ago? How can you throw your precious life away?”

I stopped. The words were said in a gentle, pleading tone, spoken in a language I understood. I was in the presence of Goodness, even as I sensed a spiritual war waging in the unseen world around me. I felt fallen angels battling against the armies of God.

Demonic beings wanted my soul and unseemly forces beckoned, “Take the pills and end your suffering. You belong to us. Nothing in the world of light will ever change you because you are unlovable.”

Evil is relentless, especially when it thinks it can win. The clamor would have been deafening if my earthly ears could have heard it, but the battle belongs to the Lord. He knows His own and I was His. The choice was mine, though, to choose life over death. God's unconditional love lets us choose who we will follow, a love that does not condemn or control. Would I allow love to conquer hate or would deception convince me that despair was the only answer? Could I accept forgiveness as the path to freedom? Did I believe Jesus loved me, would never leave me, and had forgiven me?

I closed my eyes and prayed for deliverance from the darkness.

Jesus stood before me, His eyes seeing through to my soul. Hope would emerge if I could believe in His healing power. The Risen Savior created a sense of calmness where chaos had existed. An overwhelming sense of peace enveloped me. Love pierced the darkness and Hope raised His scarred hands, reminding me of the price it cost Him. The shadows began to lift, grudgingly at first, refusing to accept defeat. A veil of light embraced the dark surroundings and the demons fled. They recoiled because they could no longer see. They were lost—lost in the darkness because the light had blinded them.

I knew at that moment, that I couldn't do this heinous thing. I no longer believed the evil—an evil that tried to hurt me. I had been deceived. The fallen angels knew they had lost their hold on me—at least for the moment. The screams of hate by the demonic powers slowly trailed off as the darkness dispersed, leaving behind a cat-o’-nine-tails reduced to whimpering.

They would go in search of their unsuspecting next victim. For the moment, I was free from their taunts. An overwhelming sense of love caressed my soul. A deafening silence waited on cue for the celebration to begin. God’s angels began to shower me with grace.

The Immortal Being of the universes cast out my despair with His perfect love and covered me with mercy. No longer fettered with chains in a dungeon of defeat, I was free. For the first time, I felt loved.

I was now at one with “The One” who knew my greatest need. He embraced me as I had never been held, loved me as I had never been known—unconditionally. I was given another chance at

life. Poor in spirit, I had seen God.

I quickly cleared the brightly-colored pills off the table and threw them away. Their enchantment had lost its magic. No longer condemned, I was a new creature, a new person, redeemed by the Redeemer. Exhausted but renewed, I had seen a great light. Jesus had won—life over death. A celebration was at hand. If the rocks could have cried out, they would have.

Jesus said in Matthew 15:7, “I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.” 

“God, please show me the way,” I begged. “Please forgive me."

For the last twenty-six years, God has never left my side, but I will never forget the day He delivered me from that demonic death knell. I thank God for reaching down and saving me, the wretch that I was. Little did I know then the great plans He had for my future.

By the grace of God, since that experience, God has restored by life many times over. I finished college and obtained my Master of Arts in Creative Writing. God brought me two beautiful daughters from the ends of the earth that are now fourteen and twenty-one. I was blessed with a job that allowed me to stay home and even homeschool them. I have published four books and lead a network of Christian authors from around the world. 

Most of all, my relationship with Jesus Christ has never wavered. Even though at times I’ve made mistakes and disappointed Him, God has been faithful and provided for all of my needs. I feel blessed for the doubts I once had because God showered me through those dark days with His perfect love and gave me hope. God is sufficient to meet every need, even when I am weak; and for that, I am thankful.

To check out Lorilyn’s latest book, Seventh Dimension – The Door, a YA Christian fantasy, you can purchase it at the following websites:

To buy Seventh Dimension – The Door at Amazon:  http://amzn.to/UBE1Mr

To buy Seventh Dimension – The Door as an audiobook:  http://bit.ly/11YrzMI

To buy Seventh Dimension – The Door at Barnes & Noble (Print):  http://bit.ly/WRkUha

REMEMBER: There is no pit so deep, no hurt so painful, no secret so horrid that God can’t cover it through the death of His Son, Jesus Christ. Open up your heart to the infinite possibilities of living a life of love, no longer warped by bullying or scarred by deceitful words. Where there is life, there is hope—and healing!

MEDIA: TV APPEARANCE BY LORILYN ROBERTS ON ATLANTA’S 57 WATC “Friends and Neighbors”

To Watch the Video, Click Here

Lorilyn shares her testimony, faith, and talks about her book Children of Dreams, her family's appearance on Animal Planet's “Monsters Inside Me,” adoption, parenting, and more.